top of page

What do couples talk about?

  • Time Together/Apart
  • Money
  • Health
  • Children
  • Family/In-Laws/Friends

What do couples communicate when they are communicating?

  • Commitment
  • Trust
  • Intimacy

What do couples argue about?

Because the items listed above are some of the major topics couples talk about, they are also the same topics that can spur disagreements.


Communication often improves naturally when we align our desires and attitudes with principles of commitment, honesty, personal accountability and loving actions. Putting our heart right has to come before putting our communication right.

COMMUNICATION 

Communication is probably the number one stated problem area among the couples I work with in my practice. Common problem descriptions include, “We don’t communicate very well,” or “we argue too much,” or “we just don’t know how to communicate with each other.”

When couples experience frequent arguments and the heartache of unresolved conflict it is no wonder that they identify “lack of communication” as one of their central issues.

How to ensure that conflicts will strengthen your relationship instead of harm it?

Choose one of these per week to work on to strengthen your communication skills. 

Rules for friendly fighting

  1. EMBRACE CONFLICT.
  2. GO AFTER THE ISSUE, NOT EACH OTHER.
  3. LISTEN RESPECTFULLY.
  4. TALK SOFTLY.
  5. GET CURIOUS, NOT DEFENSIVE.
  6. ASK FOR SPECIFICS.
  7. FIND POINTS OF AGREEMENT.
  8. LOOK FOR OPTIONS.
  9. MAKE CONCESSIONS.
  10. NO DEGRADING LANGUAGE.
  11. NO BLAMING.
  12. NO USE OF FORCE.
  13. NO TALK OF SEPERATION.
  14. STAY IN THE PRESENT.
  15. TAKE TURNS SPEAKING.
  16. WHEN NECESSARY, USE TIME-OUTS

Being in relationship with ourselves is hard enough. Being in relationship with others becomes exponentially more challenging. I have developed a therapeutic model for couples that helps to extract the poison of resentment and reestablishes the respect and desire that you had for one another when you first met.


Call today for a free phone consultation.

(209) 651-2041

bottom of page